Ep #27: What Makes a Great Public Speaker With Ted King

Are you ever sitting in a room listening to a public speaker and thinking to yourself, man, I wish they had better skills? This is episode 27 of Confident Performer, all about public speaking with my favorite public speaker, Ted King.

Welcome to The Confident Performer, the only podcast that guides ambitious, driven performers and entrepreneurs to show up authentically and confidently both on and off stage. If you are ready to make an impact in your life and community and start living your most amazing, empowered life, you are in the right place. You already have what it takes to make it, you just need to see it. And I’m here to show you how. You ready? Let’s go.

So here we are. I selected you to be a partner with me on this because you truly are one of my favorite public speakers. And your voice has this delicious warmth that grabs you. You feel it down inside of your guts. It’s funny, I just finished this book by Colleen Hoover, It Ends With Us, a movie coming out August 9^th. So excited. And she talks in that book about voices grabbing you, getting inside of your body. And you should not be falling asleep right now. I had to tell Emery this last week. You know what, maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m the problem.

But we are going to talk about some techniques, some tips, some tools, some things that stand out for us personally and things that we love to think about individually as we are public speaking and ways that we like to help others. Okay, first and foremost, say hello.

Ted: Hi.

Amy: Hi, how are you?

Ted: I’m so good. It’s very hot right now.

Amy: It is very hot.

Ted: It’s like 110 outside. It’s not like 110, it is 110 outside, and it is miserable.

Amy: Yeah. And you golfed today too.

Ted: I played golf today.

Amy: So, you felt it even more, obviously.

Ted: Yeah.

Amy: Well, you look like you’re wearing a parka, you’re wearing so many clothes.

Ted: I’m literally wearing a Hawaiian shirt and some hiking pants.

Amy: I don’t know, that feels like a parka in this weather. I’m not wearing a halter top, but it’s one of those things, I would wear less clothes if I were you or smaller clothes if I were you.

Ted: Alright.

Amy: Start today. Start today with smaller clothes. So, I do want to talk about it really quickly. I know you had some adventures and I was referencing your adventures on the podcast. You went and you hiked, I don’t know, 16 million miles or something like that and you had your friends with you. Where were you? What were you doing? And what were you doing it for?

Ted: So, we just finished the annual Honor Hike which is put on each year by the Honor Hike Foundation. And I’m lucky enough to be able to work with those guys. I had to apply to be a hiker with them. They don’t just accept anybody and so I was lucky enough to get in there. And anyway, we just got back from it, it was in Virginia this year so it’s on the Appalachian Trail. And every year we pick up from the point that we left off the year previously or the team did.

I didn’t start this with them from the very beginning back in Georgia is where it starts, the southern start point or terminus, whichever. I got in there the third year that they started doing it. So, I started in North Carolina a few years back and then we did all of North Carolina, Tennessee and we ended in Damascus, Virginia, last year. So that’s where we started this year. And we did about, probably about 55 miles each out of Damascus. So, we’re, I don’t know, somewhere in the mountains up there at a road crossing is where we’ll start again next year.

But the point of the foundation is to bring awareness and attention to officers who have been killed in the line of duty or duty related deaths, so COVID would count or something like that. So, we take dog tags with us. There is a dog tag for each officer who was killed the year prior. And we do one mile for each of those officers. And then at the end of the event, those dog tags are sent back to either the jurisdiction where the officer worked or to the family if we have that contact information.

Amy: Wonderful.

Ted: So, the foundation itself does more than that. That’s their kind of big event for the year. But they raise money to provide support for family members of those who have been lost. Sometimes they’ll provide support for small agencies that can’t afford bulletproof vests and things like that. So, they’ll get them actual supplies if they can raise enough money for that sort of thing. But they’re always looking for things to support, and they’re always looking for donations to come in and that sort of thing.

So honorhikefoundation.org, you can get more information and you can follow them on all the social medias. And President Jeff Paul and the Vice President, Jeremy Grimes are both two very good people and they really have a heart for this stuff. So, it’s a pretty good group.

Amy: Yeah, it was really fun this year. I think there was more of a social media presence, which I was very grateful for because that is one of those events I love, you just go and do your thing and be in your own headspace and all the bits. And so, to be able to watch part of your journey and then do a little bit of the behind the scenes action, when you had your on-site little surgery happen there.

Ted: I did have to remove my own toenail. There is no pleasant way to say it. It was gross. It was not comfortable. I’m recovering now.

Amy: So sexy. I’m so glad that happened, that you’re able to share that story.

Ted: Yeah, it’s all about performance.

Amy: High performance technique. So well, I mean it’s, I think in essence it really is sometimes there are those things you have to do what you have to do. And at the end of the day, you are committed to going a certain distance and finishing that distance and not letting your team down. And that’s kind of what we talked about last week with Emery when she was on the show. And it was certainly one of those important focuses where it is, you are part of a team, you’ve committed to something. And then at the end of the day, they are counting on you to perform your part.

And that’s the same with anything, with any of your shows that you’re in, any play, any track. I love the world of The Swing where they’re the person on tour that learns literally every single track. And they learn every single part. And they could go in at a moment’s notice and it’s incredible to watch them adjust to the circumstances of whatever gets thrown their way. So even if you have to cut off a toenail and keep on walking, it’s really, really impressive to me.

Ted: Yeah, I think that there’s a lot of similarities with a performance regardless of topic or category. They’re just lessons to be learned and stick to it ness that comes with being able to set a goal and saying, “I’m going to get there, the show must go on.”

Amy: Yeah, for sure.

Ted: If we’re a toenail light at the end, that’s alright, it’s just less weight, less weight to carry.

Amy: Get your fitness on, lose a toenail. Yeah, no, I love that. But it’s very impressive to me, so I thank you for that share. Now I want to dig into this topic of public speaking for one because it is so out there and inundated in our feeds, where people are selling their coaching. They are selling their product. And we’ve really kind of, I think, in my opinion crossed over this line from media to social media being a main platform where you’re getting your information.

And so, so many people feel that they may have all the high experience in public speaking, but they don’t have a lot of the foundational components, in my opinion. And sometimes the message is lost in translation of people’s habits or similar things that they say off and on or consistently. And I find that even when I listen back to my own stuff. I will say often times where I kind of just talk like that in real life though so it’s a habit of mine. And because I speak often and because I speak in front of people often, I use that phrasing.

So, when you are watching people, and I want to dig in and I want to get for myself, I’m going to get kind of muddy on things that I really want to see in my performers and my speakers. And for you, I’d love for you to just share what you think makes a really great public speaker and what you think are some of those things that are really important in driving home a point, especially if you have people’s attention for a limited amount of time.

Ted: Sounds great.

Amy: So, start now. Let’s do it. Let’s go. Okay. So first and foremost, what are some of your favorite things when you watch public speakers?

Ted: I like it when people have something to say, not just speak. So, I don’t like the word salad. I don’t like a lot of unnecessary words or made up words or it’s not really a pet peeve because I find it humorous but people using the wrong words or words in the wrong context. I think it is just one of those things, and I know you know what I’m talking about because we’ll often look at each other and kind of giggle. It does not mean what that person thinks it means.

Amy: Or irregardless.

Ted: Irregardless is a pet peeve. Higth.

Amy: Higth.

Ted: Higth is another fun word that I don’t think really exists.

Amy: With a G-T-H, would it be higth?

Ted: But anyway, like I said, and I’m by no means an English major or anything like that.

Amy: Important, I hear that one so often when people say important and I feel we should honor that T. I think that T is important.

Ted: There’s a lot of that these days, like pitcher instead of picture or a mountain, going to the mountains. But either way, and there’s some regional dialects, I think that are more likely to use some of those words than others. So, it’s not really anybody’s fault, but it’s just one of those things that we pick up on. So anyway, but the point is I like it when a message is conveyed. And that message should start with a lead up, just like a story. It’s going to have a little bit of an introduction or a warm up or why it is that I should be listening to this person anyway.

And then they get across their information that they intended to get across. And then they end not necessarily abruptly, but they come to some sort of reasonable conclusion and it’s great. And there’s differences in the public speaking and in the intent of what the format is, I suppose where sometimes people are talking about performance. So, if you’re a performer, then you’re going to have to go public speak, or speak publicly at auditions or in plays, or I mean concerts, it’s all sorts of public speaking, right?

Amy: Yeah, absolutely.

Ted: I think, whereas that’s more your cup of tea. I end up going to a lot of conferences and speaking at those, so there’s going there and listening to experts or listening to people on a panel or even a person of interest. One of my toughest public speaking sessions was being a best man at one of our friend’s weddings and we’re in another country.

Amy: You did amazing.

Ted: I’m just coming up with a speech off the hip. I wish I would have put more time into it. I spoke from the heart, but I don’t know that it really conveyed what I intended to because I didn’t think about it ahead of time. I thought that I would have to do it. And I thought, well, I know how to talk and I’m relatively experienced at public speaking. I didn’t package my message in an efficient way or one that was going to guarantee the results and communication that I wanted. So, I hope that it was received well and I think everybody had had a couple of cocktails so I don’t know that anybody even remembers it.

But the point is, it was one of those times where I was just ill prepared or not as prepared as I would have liked to have been.

Amy: What that brings to me, that brings to mind where you think about that realm of being ready or being prepared right off the hip, doing your thing, deciding hey, I know how to talk. I love this person. So happy to be sharing this moment with him and his people and his chosen people. And I think about how much of that emotion actually gets in the way of you feeling like you actually were able to drive an efficient point home in that manner.

Where you are speaking and you’re speaking from the heart, the message is very direct and it’s not word salad. How much of your own, maybe personal emotion got in the way of that? I am going to ask you this because I’m going to read into something else.

Ted: I think that I’m very self-critical. So, there’s a lot of that too, where I tend to look at things not like, hey, I really knocked that out. But even when I have done a decent job. I look at it like I could have been better at this or that. And that is my own mindset and how I approach things. So, for me, in my line of work that works. I’m not a performer. I’m not somebody who’s out there in the limelight a lot. I’m somebody that’s on a team quite a bit. And so, with that emphasis of values and the results that are expected on the types of teams that I work with, that tends to work for me and it tends to, I think, make a good teammate.

But I’m generally not the person like yourself that would be out singing a solo on a stage. And so, I don’t know, I’m again kind of missing the bullseye on this topic, I think. But the point is, I think there’s a couple different ways to look at it and how you prepare and how you self-critique afterward. There’s probably a couple ways to do it and my way is just one of them.

Amy: Yeah, I love it. And I love though that, I mean, you are so good at preparing and so good at running through, creating an outline in very little time. And I know that that works for the brain and for your brain. And for me, I say, yeah, I’m definitely, I’m fine, I’ll be able to speak right off the cuff. But absolutely having an outline is so huge, so that when that emotion does creep in as a person, as a performer, as someone sharing their message or a story or public speaking as a best man in a very heightened emotional state.

I think having that prepared statement absolutely would have potentially enhanced the quality of what you felt you laid out. And you notice that is one thing. But then in my opinion, I think the moment of you being organic and your wonderful, beautiful self, I don’t think you can beat that.

Ted: Well, thanks.

Amy: Well, you’re welcome.

Ted: Yeah. No, I know what you mean. And obviously we don’t always speak to a script. So, there’s a lot of times where things are kind of off the hip. But I guess when I was scribbling down some notes for this in the five minutes that I had to prepare it. The vision that I had for public speaking is somebody standing in front of a group of people and speaking. And so, I think that for me, when I have to do that, having things to say and making sure that I have talked about them in a logical and a reasonable transition makes the most sense to me. Those are the types of speakers that I like listening to.

So, I like sounding like I have prepared myself and having something to say that is on point for whatever the topic is. And it’s a little bit different too. So, I’ve had a lot of time of testifying in court. It’s a little different than public speaking, but you still have a bunch of people staring at you waiting for your answer. And your answer counts because it means the difference between somebody going to prison and somebody walking free. And there is a good balance in there and you’ve got to be good at both.

I think that being good at one is not a complete package for a public speaker. You should be able to read the room and be able to talk on topics that are on point for whatever the engagement is. And you’re really good at that. You’re really good at speaking. When I’ve seen you speak at conferences and things like that, you’re able to convey your story very well. You’re able to talk on the topics that are presented really well and you articulate yourself really well and you have a solid vocabulary. So, it comes across very well when you speak.

I think that the people that are successful at public speaking have those attributes whereas. W whereas you take that to social media and you can see some people that are great and people that are absolutely hilarious.

Amy: Right, and credible.

Ted: Right. And talented and everything else. But you see a lot of people that they are talking to and they are the biggest star in their own mind and it’s rough to watch sometimes.

Amy: Yeah, I think that’s where the message gets lost. And to really, really focus and dig in, like I said, get muddy on this. For me, when I’m sitting there and what I’ve noticed because there is such a massive intensity and focus on women in the industry now and women in coaching and women groups and all the things. So many women get together and they have all different voices, all different types of voices.

But the fun part is that when you actually are at a conference with multiple women, you see the different styles and you have a gravitational pull to people who are more direct, who are very, very clear and precise in their conversational skills. And the type of energy that they bring, where they feel very confident. And not the delusional confidence that, like you said, is they’re the ultimate biggest star in their own mind. But absolutely knows their challenges, potential faults and things that they’re actually actively working on and sharing with the group.

And I think that comes across as a more intimate share and people buy into that. But I want to dig into this, the sound of someone’s voice, does that make a difference when you are hearing someone’s message?

Ted: Yes. I don’t think that it’s the biggest determining factor in whether or not I’m interested in listening to somebody.

Amy: Are you sure?

Ted: But you can only listen to Fran Drescher for so long. I say that, she’s hilarious.

Amy: She is hilarious.

Ted: I’m actually a big fan. Or Gilbert Gottfried. There’s stuff like that and it’s kind of their shtick or whatever. But yeah, the tone, I’ve never once considered tone of voice until you brought it up. So, I say that, I can definitely hear, you hear people on the radio that have a voice for radio and they sound great. Or you hear different singers and they sound more powerful if they’ve got this type of voice or that type of voice, depending on what they’re doing.

But I wouldn’t say it’s a big determining factor for me, but I definitely like listening to people with a strong voice. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a certain pitch or anything like that, but people that are confident, I think, it is another aspect of that. It’s not quite what you’ve asked.

Amy: Yeah, so please stay on topic or you’re going to get kicked off the show like I told Emery, if she’s not dynamic.

Ted: I think that with confidence comes just kind of an air of one, credibility, but, two, interest. You like listening to somebody that’s passionate about what they’re talking about, that’s depending on the topic, I mean, vulnerability and emotion and how you convey that is relevant sometimes. Sometimes it’s not, if you’re talking to a bunch of experts, then it’s less important. Then your facts and your figures are a little bit more important. But in general, I think that if somebody’s calm and cool and collected, they tend to present fairly well.

Amy: Yeah, there’s this activation in the vocal fry that happens when people are nervous and this kind of intermittent speak of this, their voice sounds dry and they feel like they’re not supporting their breath and it’s in and out, this vocal fry sound. That’s one I cannot sustainably listen to. So, if I hear that, and that is about five seconds of that, then my brain has to turn off for a safety mechanism just for my own sanity.

But then there are some of those compressed larynx sounds. So, when you’re talking ultra-high in the nose and we have friends that talk like that. But that kind of compressed larynx and then that kind of pushed nasality, that’s tough to listen to. And I actually love the study that was done where they talked about the aspect of a woman even speaking to a group of men. Coming in if her voice is a relative tone or timbre and resonance that’s similar to their wife’s or their mother’s or their partner’s, that their brains actually tune them out.

Ted: I have to say, you sound like my mom right now. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Amy: Those are fighting words.

Ted: No, I think that as you mention that, one thing that I have noticed and I notice it more with women than with men, but I’ve seen it with both or heard it with both, I suppose is, ending every sentence like a question.

Amy: Yes, oh I can’t with that.

Ted: And that is one thing that I think when it comes across like you don’t know exactly what you’re saying or your expertise might not be centered squarely on your topic. But too, I think it’s especially with, again, social media and just everybody being able to be their own star and putting it out to the world. There are a lot of folks that I don’t think realize how poorly that comes across.

Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And I think finding a way to drive a point home without asking a question in your statement is absolutely helpful.

Ted: Right. Yeah, that sounds horrible. But I don’t know if it’s become a trend.

Amy: It is a trend.

Ted: Or if it’s just a tendency, but it is something that I’ve noticed quite a bit and again, I’ve noticed it more with women than with men but I’ve heard it with both for sure. And I don’t know what the origin of that is. But in general, speaking confidently and speaking like you would read a book or something like that, I think just comes across a little bit better. And there’s no problem with showing emotion or speaking passionately on things. But if we don’t pick ourselves apart or listen to ourselves and critique ourselves, then you’re not going to improve.

And if you’re not interested in improving, that’s one thing. But if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re probably interested in improving and being the top performer that you can. And if that’s one of the things that is your tendency or your technique or it’s just a habit then it’s probably something to take a look at. And there’s lots of those things. I say ‘right’ a lot, or I say, ‘do you understand’ quite a bit.

Amy: Yeah, or make sense.

Ted: Or make sense. And it’s because a lot of times I’m in front of people that I’m speaking about a concept that I need them to understand so that we can go take care of them. Each of them has a part to play in that overall concept, and I need them to do it and I need to make sure that they understand. Sometimes it's annoying to listen to you. I’ve noticed it a lot if I’ve listened to myself or I’ve watched a video of myself or something and I catch myself saying, ‘right’, just like somebody else would say, ‘you know’, or I throw ‘right’ on the end of a bunch of sentences as though I’m needing that person to agree with me before I can move on.

Amy: Yeah, right. So, if I were to say ‘yeah’ after every time you said, right, I think that would give you…

Ted: You sound like my mom again.

Amy: Somehow you tune me out completely. No, but I thought that was interesting. So, for example, that one gal, I can’t even remember her name but she was creating this new medical kind of, I don’t know, spearheading this medical technology thing that was just a hoax. It was basically not a real thing. And she ended up talking lower like this and so she gradually adopted this voice and persona and continued to talk to all of the men in the room like that. She has blonde hair. I can remember what her mugshot looked like, but I think that’s all that really matters.

Ted: Yeah, I’m not familiar with that one.

Amy: Yeah, it’s very interesting. I’ll show it to you later. But that information as far as the tone and the timbre of the voice, I think is so important for each artist to really focus on sharing their message in a practiced mechanism. But not really becoming over-practiced so that they forget what they’re actually talking about. And what do you think about the speakers, the artists, the people that you’ve heard that you know well and well? They have practiced the same speech 500 times and now they’re doing it to me?

Do you take the message like, wow, really that was impressive? Or are you like, do they even know what they’re doing or is it a total autopilot thing? Because for me again, that’s another one of those things. My brain will turn that off. My brain, it will begin to sound like white noise to me.

Ted: Yeah, I think that where my brain goes as you’re talking about that is some off the cuff addresses that different folks throughout organizations would provide. So, think of somebody, the boss, the supervisor, the CEO of whatever speaking to the people. And there are a lot of times where, as you’re, again, it’s not necessarily performance, but as you’re in that leadership position, you’re speaking to your subordinates. There’s a lot of opportunities for off the cuff or off the hip speaking.

And stuff that I’ve seen where it’s very almost canned, there’s not a lot of emotion. It’s the same message over and over and over again. It really just is the equivalent of patting a child on the head. And for me personally, that does not resonate with me. Some people need a little bit more of that than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But for me personally, I find it a little bit insulting to have this exact same rainbows and sunshine shoved down my throat and patted on the head like that.

Now, I say that, there’s a good balance in there about a leader that’s absent and does not make any of those appearances. And so, we can go down rabbit holes on that as well. But in general, I think that the people who show up and use fun, glittery words, it just doesn’t really stick with me all that much. And I say that, I’m not a performer like you are a performer, so there’s a lot more opportunity. Or at least I would assume that there’s a lot more opportunity for people who are giving a performance to go in and have to be a specific way for this character or that character or this role or that role. And flexibility that they would need to go between those.

I think one is, it’s something that you have to know ahead of time with your goal for that particular role and all the skills that are required of that goal. Where you’re going to work to improve yourself for this particular role and that particular goal. And that’s where somebody like you would come in and coach them through, once those, it would probably help them identify those skills. But then coach him through how to be better at that stuff.

Amy: Right, yeah, absolutely.

Ted: With me, I kind of have this framework and I’ll just refer to it here, where whenever I’m speaking in public, if I have a goal of wanting to convey whatever the topic is, if I want to come across like I said earlier as an expert or if I want to come across as somebody who’s trying to motivate others to do a thing. So, there’s the goal. Now I look at my skills, especially if I have time to prepare. Do I have the skills to make that happen? Do I have the time to make that happen? Is my vocabulary on point? Am I informed as to what the topics are or what the issues are in that particular segment of teamwork or whatever it is?

Do I have an audience? I can have all the right things to say, but if I don’t have anybody to say it to you, then is that going to help me accomplish my goal or not? And then it comes down to showtime where I’ve identified my goal. I know what skills I have to be competent in to reach that goal. I’ve worked on those skills, and I’m putting them all together and now it’s showtime. I think that again, for me, I have to remember to breathe. I tend to speak a little louder because I feel like it makes me come across and get some of those jitters out a little bit more quickly if I speak louder, not yelling, but just speaking clearly.

I have an opportunity to write a lot of my addresses or my speeches, so it's a little bit different than somebody who has to memorize it. I do a couple of little trick things for myself that help where say I’m standing up behind a pulpit and I’m addressing whoever the group is. I will read with my finger like a child through my speech, but that’s on purpose so that I can stop my finger when I’m done, when I’m not reading. And I can look up and make eye contact and then I can come back and not miss my spot and get choked up on which sentence I’m on or get all confused.

So, I read with a finger or a pen or something like that to keep my spot where it was that I was reading. I do like to make eye contact quite a bit when I’m speaking because I think it comes across a little bit better than somebody who just stares down at their paper. And I like to scan the room. There’s not one person in particular that I’m trying to look at usually if it’s a general speech or something like that. But it’s something where I want to make sure that I’m looking left, I’m looking right and I’m smiling and it’s something that I’m aware of how I’m coming across and what I look like up there.

And not just because I want to perform well. But because I know that in general they have an expectation of me being the person who’s either in charge or is providing some sort of information or is a subject matter expert on an investigation or something like that. And so, I want to look professional. I want to make sure that I come across as somebody who’s credible and informed and articulate and all those things.

And then after that I want to recap. So, whether it’s testifying in court or it’s providing a speech or it’s talking to the team. I generally find a way to find somebody that is trusted to say, “Hey, how did that come across or how did that land with the team?” I don’t generally ask them, “How did my speech go?”

Amy: Amazing. You were breathtaking.

Ted: How was my voice on this? But I just say, “Hey, did I meet my goal, the goal that I set at the very beginning of this, did the words that I used to convey, whatever the information on the topic, did that land with the audience like I needed it to?” Sometimes it does. And at this point I’ve been doing it quite a bit so I think in general it does. But there’s other times where I’m a little bit surprised and sometimes it’s kind of a hit to the ego too, when somebody’s like, “Hey, I don’t think you communicated what you think you communicated.”

And then it’s a little bit of butterflies in the stomach, crap, I was hoping to do really well. I felt pretty confident in that. Or I’ll watch it on video and I’ll say, “Man, I didn’t realize that I was looking up at the ceiling for my words.” Or I’m trying to come up with an answer where I was looking around or maybe I mumbled on a particular answer or a topic or a section or something like that. Or maybe I wasn’t close enough to the microphone and so my voice didn’t resonate loudly enough to the people in the back.

And so, there’s things like that, that I have caught myself on after the fact. And that’s okay, it’s a learning lesson. So, then you just think well, these are the things that I didn’t do well last time. So next time I’m going to prepare better for that. I’m going to add that to the skills that I know that I need to meet my goal. And so, as I work to prepare for the next one with the next goal in mind, the skills I’ve selected to be good at and necessary to meet that goal, I’m just going to make sure that these things are added in.

Amy: Yeah, absolutely and I love that. So, I love, again, how you break everything down is always so magical to me. And when I think of first things first, my first thing when you’re walking up and you are going to be the speaker for the next 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 25 minutes or an hour. You go up and take the microphone, whatever the microphone situation is. And you are opting to massively be in control of that. Listen, people, especially if you have 5 to 1,000 people sitting in front of you hearing a message and you know you have to use a microphone, that you truly master the mic. That for me is so important. So, you touching on that is so important.

Again, your voice, your vocal tone and resonance and timbre and gorgeous, gorgeous, always very easy to listen to. But if you are not, if I mean if you’re hit and miss all over the place with the microphone, you don’t get to hear the tone. You don’t get to hear the timbre. You don’t get to hear the beautiful intonation when you go deep into your chest resonance. You don’t get to hear the warmth that you have in your mouth if you are not amplified appropriately. And I think those are the things that so many people miss. Those are the things that I love coaching on.

So, when you think about starting your career and you think to yourself, hey, I’m a performer or I am a coach and I am going to be consistently performing as a public speaker. That is something I want to actively push in what I do. I love working with people who are speaking in public, I love it, it’s my favorite. So those types of things, those nuances that I explain, obviously you’re not thinking when you go to sleep, I wonder if my intonation was on point as it could have been today. I know you’re not thinking of that.

But overall, those are the things that I want to buff out, iron out and really kind of add flair to with people so that I don’t have to be subjected to the pain of crappy intonation.

Ted: Yeah. Listening to somebody that is all over the place or like you said, it’s taken me a long time to get used to having a microphone. Usually the microphone is set, it’s in one spot. And so as long as I keep my head in the same spot, I’m okay. However, there are a number of places that through the consulting business, if we have to go and present a class to a group of people, what the audiovisual looks like at that particular location, varies widely.

And so, getting used to carrying a microphone is one thing. And making sure that I’m holding it up to my mouth but not too close because you don’t want to bump it and you don’t want to have that scratchy or too close kind of sound to the microphone.

Amy: The pops, the extra pops.

Ted: Or another thing that I know you are really good at when you’re setting up equipment, you and your team are making sure that your stuff works. Because there’s probably in my mind very few things that are more distracting than a microphone popping or getting close to the speaker and now you have that feedback. And I have seen a number of folks that don’t get it and it doesn’t matter how good they are at that point if they’re not self-aware and they’re not environmentally aware. And their equipment, it’s popping or it’s cutting out or it’s any of that stuff. It is getting in the way of their message for sure.

Amy: Yes. And to that point, that is my biggest thing. When your focus is on what is disrupting or disturbing the conscious mind from sitting there listening to someone new speak in front of you, what is interrupting the message from the medium? And I always think of the person that is sending the message as the medium. So, the medium is the translator of the information and what you are actually getting, how you are going to adhere it to your life, enhance it, whatever you choose to do with it.

But if the medium is disrupted, I worked with an artist kind of saying something and I said, “Okay, hey, I’m going to want you to do this and then I’m going to want you to speak, over-enunciate, then I want you to speak through it.” And her first instinct was to say, “I had a speech impediment when I was a kid.” And I said, “I know, I can already hear it. I can still hear it. What I’m going to want you to do is you’re going to work past it. We’re going to speak past it.”

And the exercise mechanisms of speaking past that and requiring yourself to do something that the body is typically not used to doing because your body has been almost subjected to that subliminal messaging of this is how we talk. This is how we’re going to walk around talking. This is how we say our R’s and our T’s and all that. I think it’s so important to interrupting that mental block that says you’re not really good at this or you’re not really good at that. So that you can really clean up how your messaging comes across because you are the medium for the message at that moment. How important do you think that is?

Ted: I definitely think speaking specifically of mental blocks, so many people say I’m not good at public speaking because they don’t like it. Being good at it and liking it or not liking it are different things. The people that talk themselves out of being good because they don’t want to stand up there and have everybody looking at them because it’s uncomfortable until you get used to it. Those folks tend to have the biggest problem and they avoid it at all costs. And they generally don’t get any better at it because they avoid it so much.

So, I think that as somebody who’s an introvert, I don’t like being up in front of people a lot but again, we talked about this the last time you had me on here. I’ve come to understand that it’s my role a lot of times though. And then I guess one of those things where I would recommend people again, just prepare. You know what your goal is, know what the skills are that are requisite of that goal and practice those things. I would not get as far as recommendations. Don’t get worried about how long you have to talk. People, “Oh, we’ve got to do a five minute presentation.” Five minutes is nothing, anybody can talk for five minutes.

For me it’s going through and organizing what I have to say and structuring it decently to where I’ve got enough to talk about for that amount of time. If I have to just talk off the hip then it’s a little less.

Amy: You’ve got some sexy hips, gorgeous.

Ted: Well, it’s a little less smooth I think, but if it’s something that I’ve been able to prepare for, which again with public speaking a lot of times, we do get to prepare for it. And with performances obviously there’s times where it’s an audition or something like that, but you should have prepared. It should be something where, unless you’re doing the improv, but even then you get some skills out of that.

Amy: Yeah, even that, that’s a practice. So, improv is an actual practice where you practice being good at going off the cuff, saying things, I gave you something. And then remember, I think we were driving somewhere or we were doing something and I can’t remember. And I was referencing, “Okay, we are just going to improv and instead of you saying no, you’re going to say yes to everything.” And you were like, “No.” And then I remember being like, “Okay, first of all, you’re not very good at this.”

Practicing that and that’s going to be my driving point per the end of this episode is that practicing the way you perform is going to be so important. But then also introducing the new stylistic nuances for your voice. So, if I am not a dynamic speaker and I were to say, “Okay, I have to speak to a lot of people, a lot of the time.” If I were to just be a monotone speaker, I would lose the majority of my audience, period.

Now, the fun part is, I have worked with little kids a lot and I know that changing my voice almost every single phrase helps them stay actively engaged. So, if I’m speaking to you and my voice will go down here and then my voice comes up here and then I go back down here again. Majority of the time they stay with you. And I have found that doing that with adults now because of the social media attention span, it actually is very helpful.

So, Harry, my son, he will do this thing. We just came back from Reno and Lake Tahoe and we’re actually headed to Santa Barbara tonight, but he says the end of the word as you’re speaking. So, I’ll say, “Well, you’ll know but it’s kind of like the open doorway.” And he’ll say, “Doorway.” And I’m like, “Don’t say doorway right after.” You’ve got to know I’m listening to you. So those types of things we do the relative plug in to practice, making sure your audience is not lost, you’re still with your audience.

As someone who is actively going out and choosing, this is your new practice now whether you like it or not. You and Bobby are out there and you are slinging information about emergency preparedness, risk mitigation, all the things. Do you think that there is anything necessary to be entertaining while you are speaking? Do you think that there is a focus on entertainment at all in sharing your message?

Ted: Yeah, I do. I think that when it comes to the showtime part of any public speaking, you have to be able to read the room. So, what reading the room should give you is some immediate feedback as to can I be funny right now? Is humor appropriate or is it inappropriate for this particular audience? Generally, I think that there are more times where it is appropriate within boundaries than it is not. It makes it entertaining and it generally is somewhat engaging to the audience but it depends on how much [inaudible] is there in what you’re saying, or is there in the topic that you’re presenting on.

And then another thing, it’s funny that you bring up Bobby and I because we have some different styles.

Amy: Yeah, you do.

Ted: But going off on tangents, there are times to go off on tangents and there are times to rein those tangents in and continue on.

Amy: I’m Bobby.

Ted: Yeah, I love Bobby to death, one of my very best friends in the whole world. And I tell you what, that guy can tell a story.

Amy: I know, he’s so good.

Ted: He is one of the best storytellers and it’s funny, speaking of going off on tangents, here I am going off on one. You can always tell it’s going to be a good one because he’ll say, “Oh hey.” And then he goes, “Hahaha.” And he laughs at his own story before he starts telling the story. But we’re buddies and I’ll know Bobby’s got a good story. It’s coming in hot. They’ll be like this.

Amy: I loved it when we were in Grenada and then he tells it and he says the details. And he says, “You know what? I don’t remember if that’s a real thing or not or if I made that part up.” But anyway, and then he keeps on going.

Ted: Yeah, there are a number of times where we’ve walked out of presentations and he’s given an example. He’s like, “Yeah, I made that up right there.” And I was like, “Well, it worked. It sounded really, really good.” And he’s an awesome guy.

Amy: Yeah, I think that that’s the important thing to know is that someone who does work with performers, someone who does focus on the aspect of how your voice works as a mechanism, how you sound when you’re presenting your information. I am deeply passionate about doing that with people. I really even hope the next group of my clients is this kind of group of people who are jumping in and saying, “Hey, I’m a new coach or I’m a new public speaker and I want to know how to use my voice.” People ask me all the time, “Can you train your voice? Can you learn to sing?” The answer is yes. It’s a muscle.

You work out all the time. You have lots of muscles. You look fantastic. So, it’s one of those things that the voice is a muscle and when you are learning to use it, that in and out, the breathing, the practice, again those nuances. If you close your mouth more often than not, if you mumble when you talk, if you have a tendency to over-enunciate to where you put your S’s and your T’s and your hard D’s. All of those nuances change again, how the message is received. And as the medium I think it is our job to make sure we are as clear as possible.

Ted: Boiling it down to probably the message of the podcast is, do what you need to do to understand what the route is to get better. Dedicate yourself to going and doing those hard and uncomfortable things. And then find somebody like yourself that can help coach you through that stuff. You will get better, especially if you have that immediate feedback of a coach, somebody who’s informed, somebody who’s knowledgeable on not just the topics, but the actual techniques of making yourself better.

Amy: Yeah, and how to sustain the voice and how to feel connected to your audience. I mean, I remember I was speaking to this group of foster boys actually, and called to tell my story. And I had a strong speech prepared. This was my childhood. And this is my credibility at understanding you. And I had it all on my computer and right in front of me. And I looked at them and I’m reading from my computer and I realize they’re not paying attention to me at all. And then I closed my computer and I started having a conversation with them.

And I realized that in that moment, me as the speaker, me as the person with the microphone, it was more important for me to share my message in an appropriate way that suited them instead of something that suited me. And that for me, I think is probably the greatest takeaway in public speaking, that our social conditions, our social circumstances will change. If we can adapt with those changes, we will be more successful.

We have a greater chance of success and a greater chance of meeting people that we are truly impacting, truly changing their lives, feel more connected to us in the moment. As opposed to yes, I went and talked about my business today. But how many people did you impact? How many lives did you actually change? And those are the, I think, probably the greatest takeaways for me anytime I’m listening to a public speaker. What are some of your most important takeaways?

Ted: Kind of building on what you were just talking about, the emotional intelligence side of that. Being able to, I said, read the room earlier, but really that emotional intelligence in a nutshell, is knowing how I feel and knowing what’s going on within me and what my intentions are. Being able to recognize how you feel, the circumstances and the environment that you find yourself in. And being able to appropriately navigate the environment in between.

So, like you said with that particular group, they were not receiving. They were more interested in what they were doing. So, you had to change your navigation method. And that’s, I think, important for any performer. But it’s especially important in public speaking, if you’re trying to connect to your audience. There’s less opportunity for that if you’re speaking in front of a conference, where there’s 1,000 people out there and half of them are on their phones and a third of them are asleep. And they’re just there because they’re being paid to be there or they’re marginally interested in you or the speaker before you or the speaker after you, whatever.

So that opportunity to connect, it’s a little different depending on your audience. But being able to read your audience, being able to prepare and understand when you’re setting your goal for that particular speaking engagement, what it is that they expect of you, it’s important. That’s where it all starts. You start with that goal and that end state in mind. I want to come across as knowledgeable, dynamic and informed on this particular topic. And then you just kind of reverse engineer it from there and then you practice it.

You get help with that practice if you need the help or somebody like yourself that you’re coaching up through those techniques and that practice, that makes it even more efficient.

Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And I really go off of three words. And we can wrap this up. So, in our final, final I want to come across confident, genuine and engaging. And depending on the room that I’m in sometimes I will say I need to come across light, happy and fun. I need to come across and I select three words that I think you know what, I want to focus on these words and more or less embodying that.

So, the focus on those things actually helps me maintain that emotional state of, well, I’m being genuine. I’m being engaging. I’m being authentic. I’m being light, happy, and fun. And that is probably for me the easiest way to set the stage for my brain, for my voice and knowing that my microphone is an appendage. So, if I hold my microphone, my mouth moves to the right, I move my microphone and my hand to the right. And that is so important for me, if I’m doing final takeaways right now. I don’t know if you noticed. Did I tell you that already?

Ted: You did.

Amy: Okay, cool.

Ted: You did. I really like the three words. I do it slightly differently, but at this point where I work, there’s a lot of opportunity for coaching newer folks. A lot of people that are going through promotional processes and things like that. And they generally do an opening and then they answer some questions and then they do a closing statement for their particular section of the interview. And there’s three words I tell each of them that come to me and ask for guidance, come up with three things, descriptive words on how you want to come across. And I don’t break it down exactly like you did, how I want the conversation to come across.

But because they don’t know what the questions are going to be and they know in general what the topic is, leadership and the experience and that sort of thing. But they don’t know what the questions are going to be. So, I tell them, “You need to get your character across. So, think of three things that are going to define your character. Summarize it into three things that are appropriate for this particular promotion. And tailor your answers to go through those three things.” So, if it’s professional, innovative and humble. Those are, I think, some pretty standard ones for my line of work.

Tailor your answers in that capacity. So, as you’re explaining experiences or you’re explaining your perspective on a thing or your answer to whatever it is, what would a professional do? What would somebody with humility say? What would somebody who is innovative attack this problem? And then if they’re thinking of those three things then they’re going to give a fairly good answer or at least one that’s going to hopefully convey their character.

Amy: And I think it keeps the mind focused on that. And I think anytime you can actually see that eye on the prize kind of vision and version of okay, that’s my focus. This is what I’m focused on. This is my version of achievement regardless, because I maintain my focus. Anything else you want to add?

Ted: Final, final, final?

Amy: Final, final, final, final.

Ted: Like I said, there’s nothing really to add, but just to summarize. Again, I see it a little bit different than just, I shouldn’t say than just the way a performer would. I think the way a performer would see public speaking has so much more flexibility and it’s so much more elastic than the way that I look at it. I look at it standing in front of a room and talking to a group of people and trying to get those people to build their intrinsic motivation through your words, so that their hearts will want to follow and go do the thing that we’re needing to get done.

But military and law enforcement does the type of things that are most frequent, the type of conversations in public speaking engagement. Some of the things that would ring true no matter what is to find your end state. Know what it is that you want out of a particular thing, a speaking engagement, an audition or a performance or whatever. Identify those things. Think of what it is that you’re good at. Think of what it is that you’re not good at and how you’re going to get good at the things or mitigate how bad you are at those things, or how good you’re not at those things and work your way through it. Perform. Get better.

Constant improvement should be everybody’s intent, and even if it’s not 100% improvement, it’s a little bit here, it’s a little bit there and progress isn’t linear. So sometimes you’ll get a home run out of a particular speaking engagement and the next time you kind of trip and fail and don’t do quite the same job that you did the previous time and that’s okay. Just understand, whatever it is, I’m going to get better next time. I’m going to go back and I’m going to look at what I didn’t do well. I’m going to look at what I did well and I’m going to look at how I prepared or how I defined my goal or my end state.

And I’m going to do a better job next time or a more appropriate job or whatever it is. And if you get so good that you are just not going to have it every time, then turn around and help somebody else.

Amy: Yes, absolutely. Yeah. My brain, it’s so funny because my brain will always think, yeah, if you’re the Madonna of public speaking, or if you’re the Anna Nicole Cole Smith of public speaking.

Ted: I don’t know those people.

Amy: My takeaways are really going to be this, it’s if you know you need help on something, get help, hire a coach, reach out. And it’s not getting help from your friends. It’s not asking your mom. It’s not asking your dad. It’s really truly going to a professional saying, “Hey, this is what I want to do. I want to take myself seriously.” And deciding, hey, I have these things to work on, knowing, hey, I’m going to listen back and hear some things I need to change. And then you actually plug in to someone who can help you change those things.

Or you’re running around there thinking, hey, I have this amazing message. In the meantime, sounding like a rabid badger or frigging Garbage Pail Kid and your message is all over the board. And then you get highly discouraged. And then you don’t even want to do the thing anymore because you don’t get great results or great feedback. So, to save yourself, I guess all in all, I mean obviously just get a coach, always hire me if you want.

Ted: Right, you’re the best.

Amy: That’s what I say, babe, thank you so much, my love. Now we’re going to go to Santa Barbara and golf all the golf courses and do the things and the hey, hey, heys.

Ted: Yeah, if we ever get there, we might even be able to get dinner.

Amy: Calm down, crazy. Okay, alright, well, thank you so much for listening. My beautiful performers, first and foremost take care, be well and go out there and be seen. Thanks so much.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me, the month of July. That’s right, I said the whole month of July. Actual date, July 25th, that is when my free workshop, my free coaching class, my Confidence Campaign, kicks off. That is absolutely 100% free, my gift to you for my birthday. So exciting, I want you to join me if you are a performer waiting to take your confidence game and your voice and your career to the next level, this workshop is for you.

Are you afraid you are going to miss it? Don’t worry. We will absolutely send you the recording. You do not want to miss it, it will be three sessions. I will start with you on the actual day of my birthday, July 25th, 10 AM PST, and I will be so ready to share all the confidence hacks you can handle in one coaching session. Then it will be followed up by another month check-in, and another month check-in after that just to make sure you are all in on your goals and right on track.

Please join me for my Confidence Campaign kicking off July 25th, 10AM PST, happy birthday to me. Please join me. To register for the Confidence Campaign all you have to do is go to amy@amyadamscoaching.com and send me an email that sends “Confidence Campaign,” and we will send you the link directly. I want you to join me for my sweet birthday treat. Thank you so much, do not miss this. Tell your friends, the best part of your life and your journey always begins with confidence. Can’t wait to see you.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of The Confident Performer. If you want to learn more about living your truth and showing up as your most authentic, beautiful self, visit www.amyadamscoaching.com. See you next week!

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